laurenrocks's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the future is now This is my essay for my application. I wanted to share it because even though i feel like i just wrote an academic paper full of all of those things you have to include in an essay for school that take away any personable and relatable elements, i think i conveyed a lot of emotion in it. i couldn't write it as if i were writing in my diary because i had to keep my audience in mind. but i think it's good. read it. My senior year of high school started out like everyone else's, but unfortunately I did not finish like everyone else. I missed out on graduating with my class because I was taken over by a disease that did not destroy me physically but took over my mind and nearly ruined my life. I started having trouble getting out of bed in the morning over Christmas break, and I gradually woke up later and began missing classes once the Spring semester started. My mother thought I was being lazy and neglecting my only responsibility of going to school and passing my classes. I knew she was disappointed in me, and I would have been disappointed with myself too if I had had the energy or the desire to do anything. My lack of concern for school got progressively worse, and one day while I was at home instead of at my seventh period class, my father came home from work on his lunch break and caught me skipping class. He was upset with me, and he demanded that I go to class. I refused and began to scream at him. He knew that something was wrong with me, and he called my mother so that they could decide on a plan of action for getting me help. While he was on the phone with her, I was sobbing so hard my throat began to burn. My mother left work and took me to a psychiatrist where he diagnosed me as having "clinical depression." My depression was caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain, which sounds like some made-up disease on a television show, but this time it was for real. He explained that the depression was the reason why I slept all the time and stopped caring about school. The psychiatrist put me on medication with the intention of stabilizing the imbalance that was causing the depression. It was supposed to work gradually, which meant that I would not notice a difference in my behaviors for several weeks to several months. I began taking the medication immediately, but it did not improve my condition in time to help me get back on track in school and graduate in May with my class. Depression had a tight grip on my life all throughout the Summer after I unofficially dropped out of high school. I do not know if the medication finally worked, or if a higher power is responsible, but I finally woke up and beat my depression in December 2001 when I took charge of my life and got my GED. I enrolled in community college for the next semester and began reshaping my life. When I had depression, I felt like I was never going to get out and go to college and make something of myself. If someone asked me where I thought I would be right now, in the Fall of 2003, I certainly would not have predicted where I am today. Depression grabs you and does not let go, and that is a scary and lonely feeling to have. I can proudly say that I have not relapsed into depression since December 2001. I know that it is not something I have complete control over since it is a medical illness, but I feel a sense of power knowing that I beat the disease that nearly destroyed my future before it even started. 1:16 a.m. - 11.03.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- four-leaf clover i'm applying to UTA tomorrow. my GED stuff came in the mail over the weekend so the only thing keeping me from being able to apply 100% has arrived. i'm happy. i feel like once i apply, i can relax. and if i don't get accepted as a freshman applicant, i can submit my transcript from the current semester once it's over and apply as a transfer. either way, i'll get in. i know it. lauren = relieved. i'm going to apply tonight, and then i'm going to write my essays once i get to brian's tomorrow afternoon. and then we can have some sort of celebratory dinner at the university center. because this is huge. this is finally coming together for me. finally. wish me luck. 11:04 p.m. - 11.02.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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