laurenrocks's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sweet nothing John: will you shut the fuck up already? me: no. John: you stick it in the wrong hold me: if that hole is wrong, then i don't wanna be right. 10:31 p.m. - 10.21.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- call me, i'm alive, cockbite! i mailed a duplicate request form and a five dollar money order, only, i put it in the fed-ex mailbox instead of the postal mailbox. so i'm retarded. i don't want to wait and see if this thing gets mailed, so i'm going to mail another five dollar money order to the GED people today. i feel like a fucking retard for doing that. who puts shit in the wrong mailbox? brian said he's done that before too. he's good at comforting me and cheering me up. when he actually picks up the phone and calls me, that is. last night i called him when i got home from work and left a message because i was thinking that he would check his messages and call me back. obviously, this didn't happen. so i call him around 11pm and i get all worked up and upset about he never calls me and how he doesn't think about me long enough to pick up the goddamn phone. this really does bother me, by the way. i don't like talking on the phone, but i like talking to brian on the phone. so fucking call me, ass!! shouldn't i be a priority to him? maybe not at the very top, but somewhere close to it? he makes it seem like his life is too busy to call me. i told him that he doesn't understand what i go through being stuck in mesquite while ALL of my friends are in arlington. he gets to see his friends all the time, so communication via the phone is not a factor to him. for me, that's all i have until the weekend. he doesn't understand how left out i feel. there is always something going on over at his dorm, people doing things and going places and making connections, but not me. i'm in mesquite. rotting in mesquite. if i don't get into UTA for the spring semester, i'm going to die. i do not want to live in mesquite after january. i just can't take it anymore. so anyway, he said that he would call me today if he remembered to. why, THANK YOU JACKASS. that does upset me that he doesn't think about me enough to call me. it feels one-sided, and i don't like it at all. so i'm not going to call him anymore. at least, not for awhile. maybe he'll get the hint. or at least get to see what it feels like for me. but even if he doesn't talk to me, it's no big deal because he's surrounded by a lot of people he could talk to instead of talking to me. i'm still not going to call him. 12:09 p.m. - 10.21.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||