laurenrocks's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- natural law i just cried while on the phone with brian. this was not a smart move. he's all weirded out by it. i can tell. i feel sick. i don't know why i cried. i'm on the rag, so i blame that. but what triggered it? the fact that he's playing a fucking computer game instead of talking to me? that even after i hung up with him so i could get it out of my system, i call him back and he's STILL playing? i'm spoiled, i need attention, and i fucking need it NOW. we're only hanging out once this week, friday, and i can't sleep over because i have a meeting at work at seven in the morning on saturday. so it's a shock for me, going from seeing him almost everyday to seeing him one time this week. i don't like it one bit. i want to lay in bed with him and snuggle under the covers and hear him sing cute songs that he makes up for me. but it isn't going to happen. and that hurts. and tomorrow is his birthday. how can i call him tomorrow morning to sing happy birthday to him when he knows i'm not happy? when he knows i'd rather wake up next to him and whisper it in his ear. boyfriends are shit. i don't need one. dammit. they're so cute sometimes. i feel like throwing up right now. not because boys are cute, but because i just feel sick. things go well until i fuck them up. it's a system that never fails. an overly-tested hypothesis. i think i'll just sleep and pretend i'm not the one ruining things in my life. 10:57 p.m. - 09.02.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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