laurenrocks's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just friends. i like brian. no, i mean i really like him. he knows it too. and i hate it. i just wanted us to be friends with benefits, and i know that that's what he wants. so why are these feelings there? go away, dammit. i really really really think i'd like to date him. he told me that the only thing we aren't is together. we act kind of like a couple and we aren't acting this way with anyone else, so i guess i should be content. and maybe i am. we hung out tonight in my neck of the woods. he drove all the way over here, and it turned out that we couldn't stay there too long, so we just drove around and crawled around in mcdonald's playland and it was so much fun. just being with him, holding his hand, he's just the sweetest guy ON THE PLANET. knowing that he'll drive all the way out to my side of the world to hang out with me means a lot to me. mark won't even do that. fuck mark. fuck him and his bullshit. i can't even call him a friend these days. i don't know what he is, but i'm sure it's something i don't really need in my life right now. besides, if all mark is good for these days is sex, i don't want it. i have so much fun fooling around with brian, and we don't have sex. not yet anyway. i'm going to arlington tomorrow after class to hang out with him. would "just friends" be seeing this much of each other? and talking on the phone for two and three hours at a time? but we are not a couple, and so i need to get over that really quick if brian and i are going to be friends. he makes me want to stay in texas and go to UTA instead of montana. i sent my transcripts to both schools. i just like him, blah. blah all to hell. fucking hell. 11:52 p.m. - 08.26.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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